


I’m getting it off my chest now

by David_Tennants_hair



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Healthy Coping Mechanisms, Original work - Freeform, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22799005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/David_Tennants_hair/pseuds/David_Tennants_hair
Summary: Some poetry I wrote when I was going through a rough patch.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

I Wrote This...

  
When I was in 6th grade, I was really good at writing poetry. Mostly due to the fact that I was obsessed with books. That passion and that feeling I had after writing my own short story, or writing my own poem, creating something out of nothing and being satisfied with it faded shortly after grade 7. I became obsessed with tv shows, yet again obsessed with other realities than my own, even though I had the perfect family with siblings and parents and cats who I knew loved me dearly. Halfway through grade 9 is when I stopped feeling a lot of things. Mostly happiness. It was in 9th grade that I started thinking that there was something wrong with me.

i didnt tell anyone.

In 10th grade, I started writing poems again. But they were not to be shown off like a shiny trophy a child gave to their parent, seeking approval and an “im so proud!”. I began writing poems to stay alive. I wrote on the nights when i looked at my bottle of prescribed medication that I have been taking since elementary school and wondered what it would be like to take all of them at once. I wrote on the nights when I wondered what it would be like to be hit by a car. Or to get cancer. I never self harmed because I was too afraid of pain. I still almost cry when I get my finger pricked by the doctor. I also play in sports that would it make it hard to hide scars. I wrote on the days when my bones felt like weights dropped into water, dragging me down with them, and it felt physically impossible to pick up a pencil just to do my homework. I wrote when I stopped caring. I stopped caring about how I’ve had straight A’s my whole life but now suddenly I’m at a C and D average. I wrote the night after I found out that my friend was diagnosed acute lymphoblastic leukemia. She was 15. But I also wrote on the nights that I thought about my cousin who gave into that voice that says “what if..?” And I saw how much that destroyed my uncle, and how much it hurt me, who barely knew him, and I knew I could never leave knowing that it would destroy the people who I love most. When I became obsessed with music I wrote lyrics to songs I would never finish nor remember how their tune sang. I wrote on the nights I couldn’t sleep and the showers that I took too long in. I wrote when I felt inspired. I wrote when my friend went to a psychiatric hospital for a week to finally get help, and my “what would happen if I swallowed all my pills” changed to “what would happen if I got help?”.

I really don’t write that often. But I wrote this after randomly watching ten too many poetry slam videos on YouTube at four in the morning.


	2. Greetings From the Shower

** Greetings from the shower **

Greetings from the shower,

Thoughts go down the drain

Along with it all my pain

And this rain makes me feel sane.

What am I doing with my life?

I don’t know if there’s even a light.

What purpose is there to my meaningless life?

Even as I try with all my might,

I still can’t find any.

I am not scared of the dark

But I am terrified of the dark thoughts that plague my mind

Try to forget yesterday, don’t think about tomorrow 

And Today only brings sorrow

I rinse out my hair, might as well be my thoughts

You always miss something, don’t you?

Greetings from the shower,

Where I overthink about things that don’t matter

(Maybe I don’t either)

Try to scrub myself raw of the thoughts in my mind

I’m fine.

I lie to myself, but I don’t really mind

Please don’t listen too long, you might not like what you find

These thoughts can be overwhelming 

They take over my mind from time to time

Who am I kidding, it happens all the time

Is this just water running down my face, or am I crying?

My hearts barely beating, but it feels like I’m dying

This water is getting too hot

I know Im not much of a writer, I’m just trying to burn my dark thoughts onto paper

Sweep the ashes so I can deal with them later (not)

If you want to keep listening, you may.

But I’m nearly finished, stay?

I’m done with the injustices of this world

Why can’t my best friend love another girl?

I’m barely dealing with my demons, kids are still poppin pills

Do we _really_ talk enough about being mentally ill?

  
  
I know there’s a light somewhere up the road 

I know I’ll eventually find my home

But until then I’ll have you know

Life is still worth living, so don’t let go.

Greetings from the shower, 

you may remember me as Was and Should Be,

Failure, procrastinator, stupid, tired, and ignored, 

Miserable, a quitter, and a let down of course

But you should also know that I am more than all of that

I am an overcomer

I deal with my thoughts in the shower

I’m no coward, I still hold power

I still dream, 

like a flower I bloom and grow and I still thrive

My dark thoughts do too, but like also like a flower, they eventually wither and die.

  
  


Draw, write, or paint something dramatic

Play your soul out, you are more than just an addict

An addict to pain and fame and to the unexplained

You still have a name

So ignite those fires and live out your desires

May you never feel shame, but only feel the load be lighter

Like I said, I’m no writer, I just write out my pain

And hope one day there will be something to gain 

From what’s keeping me sane

Greetings from the shower

My dark thoughts still live on, 

but until they’re gone

I will try to move on 

And try my best to stay strong.

I think I’m done.

Tune out my thoughts, turn off the water

Until tomorrow, farewell from the shower.


	3. The Wire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this for an English assignment last year. It was probably a little too personal but oh well.

The Wire 

  
The roar of a vicious lion 

Drowning out all other sounds 

the world has to offer. 

It’s all in my head. 

The wire muffles the roar. 

I am like a mouse, it seems.   
Im screaming out, crying for help 

Help my brother, help my sister, help me. Nobody hears me over the lion in my head. 

  
The wire listens and offers comfort. 

My vision is blurring, the world is going dark

My friends are my glasses—temporary remedy 

The darkness beckons, 

but the wire holds me back. 

I pray this isn’t my legacy. 

I know one day my vision will clear, 

I will overpower the lion’s voice and find what I once lost, 

and I will have the strength to unplug the wire and stand on my own, 

  
But until then, my wire will provide shelter

from the fractured pieces falling around me, 

reviving me with a beat that becomes my own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The “wire” is my headphones, in case that was hard to understand.


	4. Chapter 4

“Are you happy?” He asks

i remain quiet pondering my answer 

“It’s an easy question.” He says

but to me, that’s the hardest question  
i’ve ever been asked.


	5. are you awake?

Are you awake?  
Do your eyelids and heart flutter  
with every breath?  
What do you  
fill your lungs with  
with every inhale?  
What words  
are the first you breathe?  
Who are you  
when you wake up?  
Who are you  
at three am?  
What makes your  
heart pump?  
Why do you  
wake up  
in the morning?


	6. (skip this one)

i don’t know how to delete chapters.


	7. Chapter 7

I’ll come to you, wind or rain. I’ll come hold you through all the pain

So hold me tight and hold me near. Hold me in your arms my dear,  
Hold me tight and hold me near, I’ll sure you make it through the night my dear, 

Call me in the dead of night, when your arms can’t take another line,

Call me up and I’ll remind you you’re not alone.

Draw me close when your vision’s clouded by all your nightmares and your fears, I’ll wipe away your tears.

When you’re surrounded by all of your ghosts, I’ll hold you tight and remind you you’re not alone, you’re not alone.

Oh, when your darkness is surrounding you in the depths of the night, just remember I’ll be the one who can hold your light


	8. Chapter 8

I look at you the same way a child would look at the moon:

Pure awe, curiosity, and wonder

with hints of fear of the dark night that surrounds you

that you still manage to illuminate, even during the darkest of nights.


	9. 10:00pm Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I started typing this because i'm procrastinating finishing a late assignment that I hate.

Sometimes I would like to stop existing. Or exist in a different life where having dreams wasn't such an outrageous concept. So what if I want to pursue art? Or music? Money doesn't equal success. Being happy with who I am and knowing I made a positive difference in at least one person's life means success to me. What if tomorrow I decided to just pack everything up and leave on a greyhound bus to California and dye my hair pink and orange and be myself? I could give a million and a half excuses as to why I couldn't do that and only five would be valid. So many of the things that hold us back are so incredibly temporary, it's laughable. We are the only thing that's holding ourselves back. We only have this one life to live, and I don't think I could live with myself if i just became another cog in the machine. Another person taking up space and not pursuing any of my dreams because they weren’t “realistic” enough or because i was too afraid of what people thought of me. I think I would like to transfer after my first year of college here and follow Elise out to the Northwest and go to college there. That way I wouldn't be moving to a city where I didn't know anyone, because Elise would be there. I would be able to follow my dreams and become my own person. I know mom doesn't think that I could move that far away from my brother and sister, or even her and my dad. But I know from experience that when I am really dead-set on something, when I hyperfocus on an idea, nothing can stop me.

**Author's Note:**

> i don’t have anyone to talk to about this stuff so i guess the second best option is to put it out on the internet for a bunch of strangers to secretly judge me:)


End file.
